Week 12: Limebaby!

So after nearly 20 years of being a potentially child-bearing grown-up, and 10 years after my only other pregnancy, I discovered, on June 22, that I was With Child. Not having been blessed with a clockwork-like reproductive system, it might have taken me a while to make this discovery, were it not for the Prometrium I'd been taking every month. In May I had a very light, short feminine experience (I thought I might be going through The Change) that I kind of enjoyed. In June, I started spotting but even the Prometrium didn't kick my uterus into gear.

The OB nurse suggested I get my TSH tested again because I admitted I hadn't been taking my thryoid meds. This also explained the fatigue and weight gain, I thought. As an after thought she suggested taking a pregnancy test, just to rule that out.

Now, I've taken more pregnancy tests in my life than I can count, and I always keep a stock of several on hand. I've seen so many single lines on pee sticks, I don't even watch the line progression excitedly anymore.

But this time, something told me to keep an eye on this one. I'd been commenting to my boyfriend that he needed to "mind the baby" and "be careful not to punch me in the unborn child." And I kept feeling my fat stomach to see if it was hardening or not. That was the first sign I'd noticed when I was pregnant 10 years ago, although I didn't realize it was a symptom (and I didn't realize I was pregnant until my cervix proved itself incompetent. Stupid, murderous cervix).

As of today, I am 12 weeks along. My baby, according to the baby sites, is the size of a lime, and will squirm if I poke myself in the uterus.

I have been in a theatre production that opened last week, and my costume only barely fit by last Sunday's performance. It sort of fit during dress rehearsals. I have serious doubts my jacket will meet in the middle tomorrow through Sunday. So that would be interesting.

I haven't announced my new mommy-to-be status to the world yet, because I am having a cerclage next week, so I want to wait and see how that goes.

I'm a little scared of the risks and what the next few months hold. Will it hurt? How long until I can return to work? Will the doctor recommend bed rest? What if the stitch doesn't hold? What if I'm meant to miscarry but the cerclage prevents that from happening?

Plus, I'm 40, so, all the potential babyhealth problems are top of mind. Do I get amniocentesis? Will that hurt? Will it harm the baby? What if we get a false negative (or positive) result?

And then there are the money/care/work issues.... and my family is so far away....

My plan for now is to use The Secret and just think positively. And to pray, pray, pray. And eat more vegetables.